You put on quite a show; really had me going.

comftably numb x: ergh.. life sucks.
busterwolf1616: and then you die
comftably numb x: fun stuff..
busterwolf1616: so is this gash in my wrist
comftably numb x: mine too! :D!
busterwolf1616: wow how pathetic have i really be
comecomftably numb x: why do you say that?
busterwolf1616: i dropped my self from hot studd who everyone loves to cut my wrists and stay in dark corners
comftably numb x: :/
comftably numb x: well.. i don't know about everyone else..
comftably numb x: but i still love you...
busterwolf1616: too many people love me
comftably numb x: ..
comftably numb x: I'm osrry?
comftably numb x: *sorry
busterwolf1616: no im sorry
comftably numb x: why?
busterwolf1616: cuz im nothin

Kay so first of all... arrogant prick much?!
Second.. stop striving for attention.
Third: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?!!

..god just fucking shoot me?!
:'/

This may never start; tearing out my heart.

Kay so I haven't posted a blog in like forever.
I've been way busy between my tutors and such.

Well,Kenny is talking to me again.
We're friends?..
I don't even freakin' know.

He said that most fucked up shit to me yesterday.
We were talking about him and Tainisha (they broke up by the way)
And he was like "I feel worse about what happened between you and me, I think it could've been avoided."
Me: "Yeah"
Him:"But, I'm talking to this other girl now, and it would be fucked up to ask you out and then if she wants to go out with me I would have to dump you.. and I wouldn't wanna have to do that."

....
Thats just fucking great.
He would choose some chick he just met over me.
You don't say that shit.
Think it?... sure.. whatever.
But seriously?.. are you a dumbass?!

ERGH!!!
So, he wants to hang out saturday?
Er maybe today.
Cuz I'm hanging out with Steph today and we might go down to Hamden.

Bad idea?
Most likely.
Am I still going to do it.?

...
Der.

I'm madly in love with this guy.
Like you have no idea.

So we talked on the phone for 2 hours yesterday.
He made me laugh and smile.. and it was like we were going back out again.
I loved it.
But... it almost made me cry..
Just cuz the fact that we're not going out..
It hurts..
Badly.

I know that he still has feelings for me..
and still cares about me to some degree.
But... eh...

Well, I gotta go to the school now.
Have to go be tutored in history.
Fucking funn!
*rolls eyes*

Buh~Byes<3!

Ihateyou(:

comftably numb x: ... whats wrong? :/
Auto response from busterwolf1616: i hate my life
Auto response from comftably numb x: Chris makes me smileee :D!
busterwolf1616: what isnt
comftably numb x: wanna talk about it? :/
busterwolf1616: nothin to talk about i fuck evrything up then end
comftably numb x: like how?
busterwolf1616: anyway posssible
comftably numb x: example?
busterwolf1616: uh lik eu nd i for instance and i dont even have feelings for this gurl anymore
comftably numb x: .. then tell her?
busterwolf1616: thatll be nice break her heart and have nothing
comftably numb x: well you can't keep leading her on....
comftably numb x: thats just fucked up!
busterwolf1616: wut else is new
comftably numb x: ..wow..
comftably numb x: mkay...it's yer life.. do whatever you want i guess..
busterwolf1616: eutever your lots of help u know that
comftably numb x: dude...i'm trying to help you and give you advice,.,
comftably numb x: but you don't wanna listen.
comftably numb x: so whatever..
busterwolf1616: no c uz the way i see it right now ull say anything to make me run back to you if i am not mistaken i know u miss and still want me
comftably numb x: lmao.
comftably numb x: no..
comftably numb x: not at all..
comftably numb x: See... i don't want to be with you...
comftably numb x: miss you..sure.
busterwolf1616: ok
comftably numb x: but i would never go back out with you.
comftably numb x: you broke my heart.. and I don't forgive that easily..
busterwolf1616: im sure thats a lie but u know im not stayi to fight u over bullshit i broke ur heart no u broke mine u left me i made a simple statement man i shoulsd listen wen people tell me anyone younger than 17 is foolish in love i never had intentions to leave u wanted it that way so i wasnt gonna urn around and fight U DUMPED ME
busterwolf1616: OH FUCKING WELL
busterwolf1616: DATE LIKE A MAN SO YOU DONT GET PLAYED LIKE A BITCH BUT I GUESS THAT NEVER WORKS
busterwolf1616: IM OUTTA HERE
comftably numb x: kay
comftably numb x: bye

Yeah.. fuck you kenny! :D!

If hearts were unbreakable..then i could just tell you where you stand.

I can't even begin to describe how much I've been missing Kenny..
I realize that that's basically all I've been blogging about lately..
But seriously...I miss him soooooo much.
I know that Nichole can relate.

He IMed me today for the first time in forever...
And so I asked him how life was and such.
He answered "shit"
So i asked why.. and he said.. "nevermind that"
So i don't know if it has something to do with me..
or he just doesn't wanna talk about it.
*shrugs*

Eh whatever...

Anyways.. I went to school on tuesday (soo scary)
But I ended up going home early.
Why?.. becasue I couldn't take being there.
I swear theres like something wrong with me..

ERGH!!

So.. I guess thats all I wanted to say..
Ermm.. yeah.
Buh~Byes

Gone

I miss you
More then words could say
Sometimes I wish
I could be taken away

From this place.
Of misery and pain.
Cause when the tears start coming
They fall down like rain

I just can take this anymore
I wish I were dead
I think about it
As I lay here on my bed.

The perfect suicide.
But would you even care
If I were gone
Would you shed a tear


I love you
with all my heart
I wish that you were with me
That we never fell apart

But now you're gone
And with someone knew
I just hope it was all worth it
To lose me too.

I want somebody, just anybody.. to lay their hands on my soul tonight.

I'm so lost.
I mean, I'm a lottt better then I was last night.
But lately...I've just been so depressed, anxious, and stressed out.
..and I can't stand it.

I want all the pain and misery to just go away.
But don't we all?

Erghhh..

If you see me...I may seem happy.
With my usual fake smile and laugh..
But in reality..I'm dying on the inside.

..I can't take this anymore..
I need a savior.
Someone who understands.
Will I ever find that person?...doubt it.

Funny.. most of my depression is all because of him...
Can you take a wild guess who?!
Yepp...
Kenny.
Erghh.. i hate that name.
When I'm around my friends (Joe, Steph..)
They never fail to mention his name...esp. Joe.
It pisses me off to no end..
But does that stop him.. nooooo.
It makes him do it more.
>.<

God I hate my life.....

kay wow..

funny how I just recently posted a blog about life being good and all that junk..
Yeah..no.
I lied.
I just wanna fucking die.
Nothing is going right in my life.
Everything is a mess.

All guys want me for is sex...
No guys take me serious.
Do i honestly come off as that much of a whore?
I mean.. i know I flirt a lot... but still... thats nothing..

The only guy I thought I could rely on hung up the phone on me cuz he was pissed... he always calls me back right away if/when he does that..
He hasn't.
I think he hates me..

School is a mess.
I was supposed to go to an alternative school in Milford.. to have a fresh start and everything... i was so excited for it..
But my mom called today and they said that they only take people that actually live in milford..
I'm so behind... i have no idea how I'm ever gonna pass this year..
And if I don't?
I'm dropping out.
I can't stand the fucking freshman behind us.
I'll just get a job at hot topic or something and go to shelton night school for my GED.

Wow... my life is so fucked up...
And on top of all this.. my family never fails to mention how much of a dissapointment I am and how I make them want to kill themselves.. nice..right?
They hate me.

I barely have any friends anymore.
The ones I do have aren't really that close...
They have their own little circle.. I'm just kinda the outcast of the group.

God I hate my life.
I honestly have never been more serious about killing myself before..
And never more sure of it.
I just don't know how.

What would be the least painful?
I wanna just overdose... but I don't know what I should do it with and what will be the most effective.

Someone please save me?
I need a miracle.